it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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