Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
