.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
