she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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