yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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