I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize