So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
