I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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