Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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