I can tuck mytits in my pants
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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