i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
