well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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