So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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