We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
