I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
