Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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