I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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