Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You are a genius and a whore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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