the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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