just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
