me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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