from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
