Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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