p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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