he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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