i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
