i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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