She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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