You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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