felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
