He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
