life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
