you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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