Me too!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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