so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry about my life...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
