it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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