no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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