Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
