Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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