we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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