; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
