So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
