I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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