woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
