Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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