Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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