It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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