I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
