I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
