I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize