I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
