I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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