Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize