I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
