It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
