I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
