All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
