The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
