I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
