Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
