you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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