worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
