sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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