i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
